Do you think that if a man has never been around his kids in 6 1/2 years (they are 8 and 7years old) and then has his new girl pay child support for him should see these kids? I have been with my husband for 6 years now and he is all my kids know as a father. We have never recieved a dime of child support because my ex has been in prison. He was in and out of jail when he and I were together and I always tried to stay by his side for our kids sake. Well the last time he got locked up I moved on and never looked back. Now about 3 months ago my ex was released and apparently met a lonely woman with money who was sending him money in prison and now she is buying him everything he needs and even sent me money for the kids. Is this right? I mean I want my kids to know who they come from but I don’t want them to get these kinds of messages….you know that you can live a messed up life and then someone is always there to bail you out. He has never showed he can do a dam thing.
would you introduse your kids to a guy like this if they don’t know him?
should I make him prove himself?
Or should I not accept anymore money (they only sent it once) and let a judge determin the situation?
The woman he is with has money so she can probably get a good lawyer and then who knows what could happen.
Is this Ok for the kids?
The only Dad they know is my husband and they love him soooo much. And they know he loves them.
Ex’s new girl paying child support?????
30
Apr
14 Comments
Posted in General
Vegas Baby
April 30, 2010 at 12:22 pm
take the money and i think your kids should see their dad, i think there too young to realize anything..
John K
April 30, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Regardless of the money he should be able to see his kids. The lady with money will wise up in time.
alarafan
April 30, 2010 at 1:43 pm
This is a tough one. In a way the money is coming from their father.
Deanri
April 30, 2010 at 2:21 pm
Well, if he is having her send money then he probably does care in some weird way but, after all that you have been through with him, I would let a judge determine the situation before you confuse your kids and get wrapped up in his craziness again. Talk to a lawyer and make him prove himself legally since it has never worked out for him to prove himself to you personally before, I wouldn’t go down that road again.
jobbie0803
April 30, 2010 at 2:55 pm
i dont think that the kids should be involved untill this entire mess is cleaned up becuase not knowing how he is going to be or even if your gonna get money one month and not the next you should definatly talk to a lawyer and find out what you can do because your children should not have to deal with these issues when they are so young.
Darla
April 30, 2010 at 3:20 pm
Talk to a lawyer and see what your rights are. I think in some cases it can be considered abandonment and your new hubby can adopt. But like I said I would suggest talking to a lawyer and NOT accepting any money from them.
If he has not sent any letters or christmas cards ect. in 6 years then he is nothing but a sperm donor in my opinion.
Von
April 30, 2010 at 4:03 pm
No, his girlfriend does not have any rights to see the children, however, he does. Unless you have court documents stating otherwise. I think it is hilarious that he has gotten some silly woman to pay up some support and you should take it, as the gift that it is. Your absolutely right–your kids don’t need to be getting this kind of message. If he wants to see them than he should go to your place and do so.
i-love-my-husband©
April 30, 2010 at 5:03 pm
What is the custody agreement?
Because a man does not pay child support has nothing to do with the custody rights. A man who owes $100,000 still has the right to see his kids if it is in the custody agreement. If she keeps him from them she is not following custody orders.
Whether he (or his girlfriend) are paying, doesn’t have anything to do with seeing the kids.
Does he have any legal rights to them? Yes or No? There is your answer.
Lisa
April 30, 2010 at 5:51 pm
I would make sure I kept copies of every single check the stupid woman writes for you and send them off to the judges chambers where you got your divorce. If it is a violation of his parole to not pay .. do not accept the money from her …and let the parole officer find out whats going on.
Do not accept the money. It is not from him.
Marcie
April 30, 2010 at 5:54 pm
At 7 & 8, why would your kids have any idea that you suspect that your ex is a gigilo? I understand that you don’t want your kids to get the message that you are getting about this situation… but why would they unless you tell them and they are too young for this information.
I believe in the adage that you NEVER say derogatory things about a child’s biological parents.. NO MATTER WHAT.
With that said, if I were in your shoes, I would be very worried that this man was considering re-entering the children’t lives for a million reasons….. you had the kids with him… can’t change that. Perhaps he would consider signing over his parental rights for cash… sounds like he’s that kind of guy?!
Talk to a lawyer… tell him/her all of your concerns.
tracy
April 30, 2010 at 6:42 pm
i think you should take the father rights away have your husband adopt them as his own. after a year you can take the father rights away for no contact.
Rica 82
April 30, 2010 at 6:43 pm
They are his kids. Jail or not…he is entitled to see them, be with them, no matter who is paying child support. Chances are he will get a lawyer and battle it out with you and win. It’s wrong for your kids not to know who their father is and to think your husband is their father.
From a woman’s perspective, I understand why you didn’t stick around when your X got locked up, but someone else was there to pick him up and be by his side. So what’s the big deal if she helps him out and cares for him? He needed a woman by his side while he was in jail and you were not there for him. He just got out of jail 3 months ago and I’m sure he’s trying to fix his life, which as you know, is going to be a fight to repair at this point. You weren’t there for him, another woman was, it’s not your money, it’s hers. Let her decide what she should be doing with her money. It’s obvious that she loves him and is willing to help him out. Stop being selfish. This isn’t about him being a good dad, you knew the person he was when you started dating him, it’s about the new woman in his life with Money. If you don’t want legal action taken, then allow him to see his children.
johnstone_a
April 30, 2010 at 7:06 pm
It really depends on any court documents you have on this case.
Visitation is completely unrelated to child support(although some would argue that), he may owe $1000’s and you cannot with-hold any court ordered visitation. It goes the other way too, he may be paying support but not legally allowed to see his kids.
I beleive that children have the right to know and have access to both biological parents, unless there is any sort of abuse going on. Your kids may grow to resent you if you keep their biological father from them.
If I was in your position, I would not accept $ directly from the gf right now, and I would go see a lawyer.
Momto2inFL
April 30, 2010 at 7:58 pm
Child support and visitation do NOT go hand in hand. So even if he’s not paying, he should still be able to see the kids. If you stop visitation for any reason, he still should continue paying child support. Reason being is because neither is benefiting the children if stopped…..they need the financial support and they also need both parents in their lives.
I think really the above posted is what really matters most. The kids need to know their father. Even if he is just out of prison, let them grow up to know that their mother made sure they knew their father and then let them be the decision makers as to what they want to think of him. Encourage their relationship with their father even if he’s not the ideal father figure because they will come to their own conclusions down the road. I think you as a mother are that much better of a parent to teach them right from wrong. Let them see what bad choices can do to a person and TEACH them that doing right is what’s important. Buy books that you guys can read together that are kids getting in trouble for making bad choices. I just saw something in my Parenting magazine about some good books just for that, I forget what they were and if I find them I’ll repost. But it’s just something to think about. As for your current husband, I think it’s awesome that he’s in their lives and they have a nice positive role model to look up to. I don’t think kids can ever have too many good role models and of course they can never have too much love.
Do you guys not have a court order? Because if you do not, then this child support paid is all going to be considered a gift. I assume that if it went to court (if it hasn’t already) that a judge would say that it was her choice to pay that money and that’s her loss. If you need the money, I’d say to go ahead and take it. If you don’t, put it in a savings for their future. College or something. But I really can’t say for sure what I would do, that’s a tough call.
One last thing to leave you with is please, don’t keep your kids from ever seeing their dad. I do realize he’s not the ideal person you’d want for a father figure. But kids are SO smart! They see and hear everything and they know deep down that something is or isn’t right. My husband and I spent thousands of dollars trying to stop his ex from hiding my stepdaughter and guaranteed it’s not the best example to compare with your situation, but bottom line is that my stepdaughter needed her father. And her mother purposely kept her away from us….just don’t ever be that type of person because your kids will suffer. Maybe not so much because they have a “father figure” in their life but still, let them make that choice later down the road.
Best of luck in whatever you decide!