okay..long details so please bare with me. And I’ll gladly answer any questions if you need more detail in order for me to get the best what to do I can possibly get because I’m about to rip my hair out. this question basically deals with the children, but mostly the oldest, you’ll see what I mean.
Heres the deal. My brother, married at girl at 19, she had a son from a previous relationship. After they were married, they had a baby together who died from a heart defect a month after she was born. They divorced, hating each other within 3 days after the death. Her son, who we came to know as nephew and grandson (for my mom) was now no longer a part of our family. about 2 years later he met a new girl (after a lot of problems between him, my mom and other girls, jobs, etc) where he worked, and she too had a son from a previous marriage, her husband was in jail..and she was still going to visit him in jail while she was dating my brother. They moved in together, and 2 years after that she divorced her husband (who was still in jail) and her and my brother had a son together and they got married..her first son, at this point was 4, but my brother had been in his life as a “daddy” since he was 2. shortly after they were married, my brother joined the army and it wasn’t to long after that, that they were off to hawaii where he was stationed. At this point? the little boy whom my brother was daddy to for about 2 years was now 6, so its not going on 4 years at this point for him being a daddy to him. It was there that they had they’re 3rd child together, a little girl. My brother got stationed in Iraq, but due to family death, was home before his tour was up, and then due to medical problems was released on a medical discharge. So, they move back to Georgia, at this point the boy is 8. well, when they move back..it turns out his wife went through all his money while he was gone and had been cheating on him with several different men for quite some time..she was disgustingly dirty and there were several instances where she left the kids home alone. so, when they both got back to ga…they split up, she moved out of the trailer they were renting, and into a one bedroom house with a guy who was supposedly my brother’s friend. (white trailer yet? not even close, lol) my brother was going to let her stay in the trailer, and move out himself but she didn’t want to wait till the end of the week. anyway..moving on…literally not even 2 weeks after she moves out..the first wife, the one who he had a baby with that died..moves in with him, and her previous son, and a new son from a second marriage that occured after she divorced my brother. When the kids come to the trailer to see daddy, all of a sudden there is this new “mommy” there with her two new boys..who are calling my brother “daddy” and he is calling them his “sons” and the oldest..is told that his room is no longer just his room, and his toys are no longer just his toys and daddy is no longer just his daddy, and in fact has two new children, who he is to consider, his two new brothers. all within a few weeks of daddy coming home from being gone to war. In the course of all this..someone told this child that “daddy” is actually not his real daddy. he is now 9 by the way. and before all of this even ever occured this little boy would ask why his brother and sister had daddy’s last name but he did not. so the problem? well this child is showing some severe signs of stress..hitting the two new “sons” breaking toys, and physically hurting himself. when asked..about the marks he is causing on himself he tells people that someone did it to him, like my brother, or my brothers girlfriend or one of her kids, etc. his mother says he does not need counseling and therefore will not take him. and since my brother actually has no legal claim to the child, he can’t take him, my brother’s decision is to not allow the child to his house any more..basically he wants to stop being his daddy. but…everyone is blaming this child, my brother, his mother, my brothers exwife who is now his new fiancee, and my mother, his supposed grandmother..they all think he should have adjusted by now, or that circumstances being as they are, should not have affected him this much because everyone else around him, including the other children are all acting fine. I am mad at all of them for whats being done to this little boy. any help?
I forgot to mention..this is all within about 6 months.
also wanted to add, my brother has tried talking to the boy and has spent some time with him..however he also says that he now has in total 5 kids and he is not going to take time away from them to just spend time with one because that would be unfair.
Alexis
April 8, 2010 at 12:35 pm
That’s mean!!!! This child grew up with your brother and now that’s he’s just being taken away from his dad is unfair. The mother and your brothera re the real problem. The mom needs to get her life straight and if she was that careless with her children, they should be taken away from her.
As for your brother, he needs to step up to the plate. He was with that child for almost 7 years and now he basically is saying that he wants no part of this child which is WRONG. I’m not saying your brother’s a bad guy, maybe he wants the child out of the house because there may be jealousy. But if that child is being neglected, he should never be blamed. He is going through Hell right now! Someone needs to help him, because it is no way, shape or form, healthy for a child to be physicaly harming himself and lying about it. Even if it’s you, someone needs to call the police or someone to get that child into a safe and healthy environment!
ally
April 8, 2010 at 12:50 pm
Oh my gosh that is so sad!! And I would be pissed too! As wrong as all of that is, it sounds like everyone else has already made up their minds to let the kid go (which is absolutely unbelievable). The only thing I can say is for as long as your brother was his “daddy” you were his “aunt”. If it is possible continue to be that aunt. Show that kid that no matter how difficult life seems there are always still people who care. All the other children are acting fine because they are gaining a father rather than losing. I wuld think it would hurt more to slowly be replaced by other children than to have cut ties all together. Your brother and the rest of your family one day see what they’ve done wrong but do what you can to be there for that kid. God knows he needs someone.
Carey L
April 8, 2010 at 1:35 pm
I am not sure where you live, perhaps you could offer for the boy to stay with you for awhile? Or your mom? I am sure he is just feeling insecure about all this bouncing back and forth, new kids, your brother being back in the picture. If he can stay with you or your mom maybe you could get him into counseling? You could look into big brother/big sister so he could have an outlet, someone outside the family to share with. Some schools have counselor’s, you could inquire within his school. It’s important to address it because he could be holding back emotions that could escalate to him actually hurting one of the other children or himself. It’s wonderful that you’ve taken the time and attention to care enough to address this.
ItJustMe
April 8, 2010 at 2:33 pm
OMG does your brother not have a heart this boy who is nine years old was told he was his father and somehow and some way someone told the boy “WHO TOLD THE BOY THAT YOUR BROTHER WAS NOT HIS SON!!! THAT IS WHO TOO BLAME…OMG HOW DO YOU EXPECT HIM TO ACT!!!! Yes this little boy does need help with some conseling even if it is at the school and there is no reason why your brother can’t go over there and talk to the school and i am sorry but your brother just pisses me off forget the woman and her kids for a minute his he always going to find a woman and then forget his children that is so sick and for one thing he needs to spend some time with this nice year old boy AT ONE TIME HE BECAME HIS FATHER AND JUST BECAUSE HE NOW WITH ANOTHER WOMAN HE NEEDS TO REMEMEBER WHO COMES FIRST HIS CHILDREN AND HIS CHILD HE BECAME A DAD FOR HOW MANY YEARS AND HOM MANY YEARS FOR THE OTHER TWO NONE NOT ONE YEAR HE NEEDS TO GROW UP AND SPEND TIME WITH THE NINE YEAR OLD BOY AND TAKE HIM TO PLAY BALL BY THEMSELFS AND TELL HIM NO MATTER WHAT I WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR DAD WHEN HE NEEDS HIM…OMG HE IS NINE HE FEELS LIKE HE HAS NO ONE NOT ONE OF YOU SEE THAT, YOU EXCEPT HIM UNDER THE CIRCUSTANCES HE SHOULD BE ADJUSTED BY NOW NO OMG HOW CAN A 9 YEAR OLD EVEN COPE AFTER HAVING HIS ONLY FATHER HE HAS LOVED AND KNOWS TAKEN AWAY BE ABLE TO COPE… AND NO I DO NOT WANT TO ASK YOU ANY QUESTIONS BECAUSE NOT ONE OF YOU HAVE A HEART FOR THAT BOY WHO IS NINE SHAME ON ALL OF YOU!!!! YOU GUYS SHOULD BE TAKING THIS NICE YEAR OLD IN YOUR ARMS AND TELLING HIM YOU LOVE HIM NO MATTER WHAT TAKE HIM TO LUNCH YOU OR YOUR MOM AND TELL HIM THIS, HE NEEDS LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS LITTLE BOY IS HURTING BAD!!!