okay..long details so please bare with me. And I’ll gladly answer any questions if you need more detail in order for me to get the best what to do I can possibly get because I’m about to rip my hair out. this question basically deals with the children, but mostly the oldest, you’ll see what I mean.
Heres the deal. My brother, married at girl at 19, she had a son from a previous relationship. After they were married, they had a baby together who died from a heart defect a month after she was born. They divorced, hating each other within 3 days after the death. Her son, who we came to know as nephew and grandson (for my mom) was now no longer a part of our family. about 2 years later he met a new girl (after a lot of problems between him, my mom and other girls, jobs, etc) where he worked, and she too had a son from a previous marriage, her husband was in jail..and she was still going to visit him in jail while she was dating my brother. They moved in together, and 2 years after that she divorced her husband (who was still in jail) and her and my brother had a son together and they got married..her first son, at this point was 4, but my brother had been in his life as a “daddy” since he was 2. shortly after they were married, my brother joined the army and it wasn’t to long after that, that they were off to hawaii where he was stationed. At this point? the little boy whom my brother was daddy to for about 2 years was now 6, so its now going on 4 years at this point for him being a daddy to him. It was there that they had they’re 3rd child together, a little girl. My brother got stationed in Iraq, but due to family death, was home before his tour was up, and then due to medical problems was released on a medical discharge. So, they move back to Georgia, at this point the boy is 8. well, when they move back..it turns out his wife went through all his money while he was gone and had been cheating on him with several different men for quite some time..she was disgustingly dirty and there were several instances where she left the kids home alone. so, when they both got back to ga…they split up, she moved out of the trailer they were renting, and into a one bedroom house with a guy who was supposedly my brother’s friend. (white trailer yet? not even close, lol) my brother was going to let her stay in the trailer, and move out himself but she didn’t want to wait till the end of the week. anyway..moving on…literally not even 2 weeks after she moves out..the first wife, the one who he had a baby with that died..moves in with him, and her previous son, and a new son from a second marriage that occured after she divorced my brother. When the kids come to the trailer to see daddy, all of a sudden there is this new “mommy” there with her two new boys..who are calling my brother “daddy” and he is calling them his “sons” and the oldest..is told that his room is no longer just his room, and his toys are no longer just his toys and daddy is no longer just his daddy, and in fact has two new children, who he is to consider, his two new brothers. all within a few weeks of daddy coming home from being gone to war. and then , in the midsto f this, during an argument his new exwife girlfriend left, and went back to her other husband, in which the children’s mother then came and took all they’re stuff, toys, clothes, etc, and the kids were doing fine, well then they made up and this girl came back with her two sons again. In the course of all this..someone told this child that “daddy” is actually not his real daddy. he is now 9 by the way. and before all of this even ever occured this little boy would ask why his brother and sister had daddy’s last name but he did not. so the problem? well this child is showing some severe signs of stress..hitting the two new “sons” breaking toys, and physically hurting himself. when asked..about the marks he is causing on himself he tells people that someone did it to him, like my brother, or my brothers girlfriend or one of her kids, etc. his mother says he does not need counseling and therefore will not take him. and since my brother actually has no legal claim to the child, he can’t take him, my brother’s decision is to not allow the child to his house any more..basically he wants to stop being his daddy. but…everyone is blaming this child, my brother, his mother, my brothers exwife who is now his new fiancee, and my mother, his supposed grandmother..they all think he should have adjusted by now, or that circumstances being as they are, should not have affected him this much because everyone else around him, including the other children are all acting fine. and just for somed added info….it hasn’t even been 6 months yet after all this. I am mad at all of them for whats being done to this little boy. any help? just so everyone knows..they have tried everything with him, talking to him, disciplining him, punishments, taking things away. but basically I can tell what he is seeing, I’m o
what he’s seeing is as a 9 year old little boy, he was living in hawaii in a nice house with friends and school that he liked. He moved to georgia into a tiny old trailer. daddy came back, and being 9, not seeing problems between mommy and daddy, all of a sudden mommy and daddy won’t be together anymore. Not only that, but now daddy has moved in a new girl, with two new children, who are now suppose to be his brothers, and his things are no longer just his things, oh..and now he discovers..daddy isn’t really his daddy, all within the course of about 6 months, and he’s suppose to be just fine
well see, thats the problem…I don’t know what exactly I’ve stated int he above, I’m sure I missed alot. His mother won’t take him for counseling and since my brother has no real legal rights to him, he can’t take him. and they have tried talking to him and reassuring him, but he is still acting out, so thats not working. but to just basically be like..I’m not your dad anymore? you not aloud here anymore? to a 9 year old?
Uh_Leesh_Uh
March 31, 2010 at 12:19 pm
Wow. That’s a tough story. Poor kid. I don’t know what you could do besides calling the department of child welfare. If the child is hurting himself, then there is cause for them to step in and take action.
iiidontknowdoyou
March 31, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Nothing you can do about red neck white trash families, but is sure is a shame for the poor kids!
Alicia
March 31, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Of course he needs help and counseling. This would be too much for an adult to take. Can you take him to church and talk to the minister? That could be getting him the counseling he needs without his mother’s being involved to take him.
MsMeg
March 31, 2010 at 1:43 pm
wow…his mother is terrible at the job god gave her….maybe the other children aren’t “affected” because they aren’t old enough to understand and see as much as he can. I think he needs a stable home and love, its cruel that your brother would disinclude a child. He’s not a teenager and this is writing on the slate of he is and who he will become. Honestly you should adopt him. I think God is telling you it is your mission to save him. Any longer in this screwed up situation and he will inevitably grow up to be a criminal….my heart goes out to this poor child he must feel so unwanted. children also have the innate ability to blame themselves for domestic issues and this will affect his mental health and growth. good luck:)
Leo
March 31, 2010 at 2:23 pm
Ok your brother needs to understand how he feels. If he loves this little boy he would not suddenly want to stop being like a father to him. That kind of confused me… but I think that someone needs to tell this kid that he isn’t being replaced by the two boys and that (if it’s true, which i hope it is) that even though your brother is not his real father he loves him like he is his father and he sees him as a son and he always has. Tell him that it doesn’t matter who his biological father is – what matters is that he was “father” to him all his life and that shouldn’t change,. A lot more than the same blood makes someone a father. Maybe they should spend one on one time together instead of with the other kids. Give him time to adjust. He needs more time.. he is very young and this all must be very hard for him.
edit: Clearly you care a lot for this little guy.. maybe who he needs now is you. Arrange some times for you and him to just hang out and talk. Don’t make him feel pressured into telling you about his bruises or anything just forget about everything and try to give him a good time. He may just need a break, some time away from this mess.
saved_by_grace
March 31, 2010 at 3:11 pm
This child needs counseling. He has seen a lot in his nine years. No wonder he is acting out. There are free counseling services available in most towns.
emmers
March 31, 2010 at 4:09 pm
wow… that was a long read but had to be done to get the details…
My heart goes out to that poor little boy. They just f***ed up his future and they don’t even realize it.
How could his mother put him in this situation and not do anything to help him? The kid must feel like complete crap…like nobody loves him… of course he’s going to act up and freak out.. he is frustrated and so hurt, i am so sad right now. I want to hug him and bring him home with me!!
Your brother and his wife need a swift kick in the a** and some parenting lessons.
I really hope you can do something for this child… what a burden for you! Good luck!
rafferty
March 31, 2010 at 4:40 pm
gah, what a mess. This is exactly why people say to think of the children first, and exactly what happens when people don’t think of the children.
Not much you can do other than try to be a stable influence in his life. Are you in a position to make a weekly “play date” with him so that he knows that every single Thursday you will show up and take him someplace, just you and him?
I commend you for thinking of this poor kid, but I can’t think of a thing you can do other than be a constant in his life to make him feel secure again. He would probably benefit from talking all this out with a professinal, if he would be able to enunciate his feelings.
Good luck – and here’s hoping that from this moment on – people think of the children first.
Sharoo
March 31, 2010 at 5:31 pm
I think the way your brother went about this was a bit wrong. (not talking about his gfs/wives whatever) but saying the toy weren’t his, he should have been asked if he could share.
You could try talking to him about different families and that just because someone isn’t your biological father doesn’t mean that they can’t love you the same as their own son.
I do think the boy needs to see an adult councillor. Even call the school and explain things, they might talk to him.
If you ever worry about all of the kids safety and well- being call the appropriate child welfare authorities.
ppnj4
March 31, 2010 at 6:26 pm
For the sake of this child you need to notify the protective services in your area (which you can do on a anonymous basis) that he is hurting himself. They will get him in for an evaluation & counseling. It does not mean they will take him unless they see the parents are hurting him or not feeding him so don’t worry about that. He desperately needs help now before he hurts himself or one of the other kids seriously or gets “lost” to a world of anger and bad behavior for ever. If you love him you will notify the school & social services that he hurts himself & needs intervention. It will be the most loving thing you can do for him & shame on the rest of your family for allowing these kids to grow up in such dysfunction.
ladedamom
March 31, 2010 at 7:05 pm
Sorry, but this is what happens when people live promiscuous lifestyles and it involves children. Trailer trash personified. Needless to say these people aren’t fit to be owners of a dog much less parents to children. Sounds to me like the kid would be better off living with someone else and for someone to call for intervention services to this “family”. It doesn’t sound like a fit environment to have children in. Would they let him come live with you and sign guardianship over to you so you can make decisions about school, medical care etc.. for this kid? The kid needs stability and this environment isn’t it.